Black Hole

I have a friend who, ever since his return home from his mission, has slowly been sinking into the depths of despair. Namely, Hell. It's gotten to the point where he mindlessly does the everyday little things meant to save us. I admit, I hit this point too. But, I was fortunate enough to escape it! I'm not out yet, but I'm climbing and I think it has just barely become apparent why I need to be his friend.

I didn't want to be his friend because I don't know him anymore. I have to start from scratch in order to help and it just seems like so much work! I have a lot to deal with as it is. But, maybe that's why Tammy can't be my friend right now either. Maybe Daddy knew that this was going to surface and it was something only I could handle...

Let me start over. Several years ago, this man was loving, caring, a little spacey, but there. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to achieve it. Everything about this boy appealed to me. I was smitten. Totally and completely in love in every sense of the word! He left for his mission. We remained friends.

He came home, and slowly became paranoid and uncertain of everyone around him. I had no idea what was happening, but he began to feel that everyone was out to get him, including me. We fought. We weren't friends for a whole year. Almost exactly!

We had to start over entirely. I wanted his apology to be the last thing to happen between us. Daddy wants differently. Every time I would let it go too long without attempting to make an effort towards being friends Daddy would give me a loving nudge. Fine. I finally broke down and started making real efforts.

Tonight I spent an hour in his car and I realized that I don't like to be with him because he has become what you might call a black hole of a person. Things are so dark and so heavy. It's depressing and draining to be around him. But that's just it! That's exactly why I have to be around him! Not because I'm some sort of awesomely shining light! Because I am close to his level, and he just might listen to me.

We are both too proud and stubborn to listen to someone more spiritual than ourselves. It has to be someone who understands and can help us out of the same pit. Like team work! I finally know. I get it, and I can't wait to start preparations for the new and improved Boy! Why am I excited? Because I know the old Boy is in there somewhere.

At moments during our discussions, I felt scared of him. Partly because of the darkness that surrounds him, and partly because I know what his anger is capable of. But there was a moment... A very brief, but very beautiful moment where he was the old Boy I used to be in love with. I have no idea what he was saying in that moment. All I could think was how in love with him I was and how I just wanted to kiss him all over and hug him for hours! But, the glimpse was fleeting. That moment in and of itself was enough to get me excited about helping him! But, now that I know what I'm working toward, I can't express my excitement!

Wish me luck as I embark upon a strange, and highly dangerous, mission! I can use all your prayers!